Torn Between an Email or Meeting for that Difficult Conversation? try This Instead.
Consider this scenario: You’ve had an issue with a colleague that has been weighing on you for a while. You had hoped it would fade over time, but if you're honest with yourself, the opposite has happened—the issue has festered.
You know that it's time to bring these issues out into the open with this person, but you're not sure what the best way to do that is. There are pros and cons to various mediums for having difficult conversations. There are the traditional email and phone options and a surprisingly effective third alternative.
Difficult conversations are … well, difficult. Choose your approach carefully in order for your effort to yield results
You could write an email.
An email could work well because:
You can take your time organizing your thoughts.
You can take your time to choose the right words.
They will have time to process any immediate reactions when they read it.
However, you worry that no matter how hard you try, your tone and words may be misinterpreted. Perhaps a live meeting or phone call would be better....
You could set up a meeting.
With this approach, you could still take time up front to organize your thinking, with the added benefits of:
They would hear your tone and the nuance you're trying to convey.
You would have a sense of their reaction to all of this.
If they needed clarification on something, that could happen right away
While these are all great benefits, you feel a bit of pressure to have the words come out of your mouth just right, and you worry they'll have a reaction and then interrupt you and you'll never get to say what you feel the need to say.
Have you considered sending a voice memo?
A voice memo might give you the best of both worlds.
You can take your time getting it right and feel less pressure than having the colleague there in real time.
Your tone and any nuance can come across just as it would in a live conversation.
They can take their time to process, and even re-listen if they choose.
This method has been so helpful to me with difficult conversations. I call it "asynchronous dialogue". It helps if the other person is on board with having a conversation this way. (Simply ask them: "I have some thoughts that have been weighing on me. Do you mind if I send you a voice memo to share some of that?")
Also, consider that there will be some "limbo" time while you wait for a response. This time is muuuuuuch easier if you have articulated your points with the utmost care and balance and feel a sense of closure at the point of sending the message. (Read: your inner peace does not require a response).
Asynchronous dialogue is a powerful way to share nuanced, difficult perspectives, allowing each person the time and space to process and authentically respond.
