Going the Extra Mile
Up in northern New York State, my dad is just finishing up another round of artisanal sugaring (producing maple syrup from the sap that runs in the spring). It's a hobby that bridges the depth of winter and sailing season — a hobby from which my brothers and sister and I reap serious maple syrup dividends.
Of my siblings, I live the closest to our father, so I see him the most frequently. The way I contribute to his sugaring efforts, albeit meagerly, is to save glass jars for him. Old syrup mason jars, peanut butter and pickle jars, and those jumbo jars the kalamata olives from Costco come in.
I save the jars, but I draw the line at removing the labels.
I'm a busy working mom with two young children. I am just not going to scratch away at stubborn labels!
Each time I deliver the jars to my dad—who hasn't asked me to save them, by the way—he points out that I could take the labels off. I say, “Dad, you need to decide if you'd rather have jars with labels from me or no jars at all.”
He tells me how easy it is to get the labels off. ”You just have to soak the jars.” He's a million miles removed from the family life of two working parents and two young children. We are lucky if we get all the counters wiped down after a meal, let alone an 'extracurricular' taking up one side of the sink!
It seems like my good deed is only begetting another request.
Can you, as a leader, relate to this scenario? Whether you're a CEO reporting to your board, or a middle manager reporting up, do you ever feel like you are already going above and beyond, only to be asked for more based on that above-and-beyond work?
Here's how I respond to the situation with my dad, which might spark something for you. I'm sure I'm less diplomatic with him than you'd need to be with your colleagues!
Reframe the perspective. “Dad, I am the only recipient of your syrup who actually returns jars!” (Note that the other siblings are not even lobbied to return jars). “Would you rather have free jars with labels still on, or have to buy new jars?”
Don't shut them down completely. “Yes, dad, I see that it would not be that much more work to take the labels off. Maybe one day I will have the capacity to go that extra step.”
Make a conscious choice on where the boundaries are. I could see how I could maaaaaybe add a "label soaking session" somewhere in my life. This choice would perhaps represent a moral high ground, where I tap into my gratitude for homemade maple syrup and go the extra mile because someone I care about is asking me to. (“Or is he just being opportunistic?” says my skeptic!) Or, I can gently, kindly, continue with my messaging of “take it or leave it.” Or, I can gently, kindly, discreetly stop saving jars. The point is, I do have choices here.
There's nothing more of a morale killer than going the extra mile and, instead of being thanked, being asked for more. So if you are the leader asking for more from your top performers who consistently go the extra mile, pause to acknowledge their proactive efforts first. If you are the leader already going the extra mile, be glad you're getting the transparent perspective of what else you could do, and then remember that you are (always) at choice.
