Can You Be Your Own Best Friend?

Oct 2

These are harried times. The home and work boundaries are blurred and among my clients and burnout is looming just around the corner. We hear a lot about self-care and that conjures up images of massages and treating oneself to something special. But it’s the fabric of our daily existence that needs care. Whispers of negative self-talk threaten to wash out the foundation that hard times rely on. When I see this happening, my question to my clients is: "Can you be your own best friend?"

Ok, so there's you, having your lived experience. Then there's your "witness." This is the voiceover, the peanut gallery, the extra layer of commentary on these experiences. This voice can take you down or it can lift you up. The tone that this voice takes can make or break you.

In these moments when your 'witness' has commentary, can it be loving? Even if there's some hard truth you need to hear from yourself, can it be said with compassion?

You have to be your #1 supporter. Can you be your own best friend? If the talk inside your head is negative, you're adding an extra layer of mud to slog through. Not helpful!

If this is ringing a bell for you, please don't all of a sudden barrage yourself more! "Damn, I'm such a jerk to myself, what a dumb thing to be doing all this time!" Please don't do that! How about this instead:

"Could I say more supportive things to myself in my own head? I'm not even sure what that would look like. I guess I could give it a shot. This might take some practice."

This second version is realistic and true. If you know me you know I'm all about making the rubber meet the road and there is no place for Pollyanna. So as you upgrade your self-talk, it still has to be believable. The frame of being your own best friend can help you be kind while staying realistic and honest with yourself.

What do best friends do?

They don't call you names.
They don't point out reasons for why you're not good enough.
They say supportive things when you have a hard day.
They help you plan and strategize productively when something big is on the horizon.
They give gentle nudges towards a new perspective.
They have unrelenting trust in your resilience.

I’d love to hear if this resonates for you and how your self-talk upgrading goes!