What to Do About Debbie Downer or Pessimistic Pete
We all have experienced someone on our team who plays the role of Debbie Downer or Pessimistic Pete. They may complain about what's not working, voice fears and hurdles they see in the future, or simply exude resistant energy through their body language. It can feel like these teammates hold the group back.
What can you, as a leader, do to diffuse this energy?
Let's start with what not to do. If the goal is to diffuse and flush this negative energy, then putting up a wall by denying, arguing, or otherwise resisting the person or their points will not work. That would be making them wrong for what they see and bring to the table.
So instead, make them right. Validate their points of view. That will diffuse and flush the negative energy.
If their negative thoughts are put out and hit a brick wall, they will react by making them stronger in order to barge through the brick wall. If their thoughts are received, that extra energy won't need to get stirred up. Instead, it gets diluted.
I'm not saying that's all you should do. After you validate their perspective, you can pivot to a question that looks at the constructive possibilities for moving forward. There is a premise under all of this: you as the leader are holding a mindset that this person is underneath the surface someone who wants to contribute constructively to the team.
They just might get stuck sometimes thanks to their own strong inner critic. Sure, there might be a more diplomatic way to word things, and it would help if their tone wasn't so harsh. Maybe they would benefit from therapy to unravel the ways their upbringing is filtering their worldview, but that is not a problem you can solve. Regardless, there is a very good chance that the gist of what's being said needs to be honestly considered. This really is about mindset: this negative person is a voice in the living system that is your team.
I tell the teams I work with to see each person as a voice of the system. So ask yourself: would your team benefit from addressing the negative points this person raises? You can show the naysayers that their viewpoint is valid and that you want to address their concerns.
The times when I have felt "grumpy" and voiced it (much more frequently in my marriage than at work), resistance from the other side has made the feelings within me stronger. It stimulated a need in me to justify my feelings. Acceptance, on the other hand, has helped me flush the negative feelings and step forward to construct a better situation for myself.
As leaders we can support and validate the Debbie Downers. Feelings are feelings, so you really can't argue with them anyway. Acknowledging another's frustration is the best—and maybe the only—way to move through it and beyond it to a constructive solution.
