The Liminal Space

You’ve heard of emotional intelligence. You have a good sense of what that means. Let’s dig deeper into one of the ways emotional intelligence shows up: in a leader's ability to transcend their own “either/or” thinking.

Simply put, either/or thinking is when you narrow your path forward into two options: you’re either going to do option A, or option B.

If you find yourself stuck between two distinct, or even opposing, courses of action, it might be a red flag that you're unnecessarily constraining your possibilities. The theorists call this "bounded rationality" - when we take a complex situation and artificially simplify it.

If you can hold the tension of two opposite possibilities without needing to immediately decide on a course of action, you will be exercising patience and flexibility. You’ll be exercising emotional intelligence because you’ll be tolerating the emotional discomfort of sitting with the unknown. And the best part is, you'll likely end up with a better solution because you will have protected time and space for more creative thinking to emerge.

The following steps can help you get out of black and white thinking and learn to navigate the (less comfortable) gray zone.

STEP 1

Notice when either/or thinking happens. It might be so automatic that it will take you awhile to realize you’re not actually limited to the two options on which you’re focused.

STEP 2

Get out of this type of thinking by finding the alternatives. Consider the following possibilities in the order they are listed:

Just sit with the two either/or options without actually choosing one.

Look for a 3rd alternative to the binary landscape.

See if you can expand your thinking beyond the dimension you're currently in. Go back to the core of your intention. Hold that intention without yet needing to define a path. See what emerges.

STEP 3

Wait and perceive.

The point of waiting is to avoid limiting ourselves when we jump too fast to a "do this or do that" scenario. We can practice spending more time assessing, perceiving, and tolerating the liminal space, that is the uncomfortable space between identifying an intention and taking action. This is the space of "I don't know yet," which can, paradoxically, be quite empowering.

STEP 4.

Act. There will come a time to act. As a result of the previous steps, you will feel more clear about when it is the right time to act. You will be wiser about how to take action.

Just think about how much less noise there would be in our working days if we spent a bit more time perceiving, and less time reacting to, our own either/or thinking.